When considering needs in a marriage/committed relationship. Some of us may be familiar with love languages from the work of Dr. Gary Chapman. If you are not familiar with love languages I would highly recommend you take the test and purchase Dr. Chapman's book. To sum up love languages or give you the Cliff Notes version we all have a preference for how we receive love.
Most people will appreciate a few different ways of receiving love, however, value some more than others. The five love languages according to Dr. Chapman are Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Physical Touch, Quality Time, and Words of Affirmation. You can make the most impact in filing your partner's Love Bank by knowing and fulfilling their love language. If you know your own love language you can help your partner know how to best meet your needs as well.
Understanding and fulfilling love languages is a great strength that helps with creating meaningful and lasting relationships. The problem is that people try to love their partner using their own love language preference. Now, if you happen to have the same love language as your partner that works perfectly. However, If they have a different love language then it may not yield the same return on investment you were hoping for. Many times I have encountered frustrated people who truly believe they are showering their partner with love, only to find out their partner feels their needs are not being met.
In addition to the work of Dr. Chapman and the 5 love languages, there are other more in-depth ways of looking at needs to further enhance your relationship. I feel that starting with love languages is the first step in understanding what you need in order to feel loved and what your partner needs as well. Get to know your own love language and that of your partner to start maximizing your relationship satisfaction today.
MaryAnn Newsom BS, MA, LMFT, ASDCS, CCTP, CTMH, CSTIP
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