Attachment theory
What is attachment theory? How is attachment formed? What are the attachment styles? And what does all this have to do with my relationships?
What is attachment theory?
Attachment theory was formed from the work of John Bowlby a British psychologist. Bowlby stated that there was a “lasting psychological connectedness between human beings.” A directive of Bowlby’s work was to understand children’s state of mind when separated from their primary caregivers, and how they experienced stress and anxiety during this time. Bowlby noted that children looked to their primary caregivers for comfort during times of distress. How well the primary caregivers can attend to the child’s needs will then affect the type of attachment style the child forms. This style will follow them into adulthood and into their primary adult relationships.
Humans form emotional bonds with other humans, the first being with our primary caregivers, this bond is attachment. According to Bowlby, these first bonds that started forming as infants will impact how we bond with others throughout our life span. Infants require a strong secure bond with their primary caregiver to survive. Even though this is not conscious thought on the part of the infant, intrinsically it knows that the more bonded their primary caregivers are to them the better they will provide for their life-sustaining needs. Since infants and children need protection and care from their primary caregivers to ensure their survival into adulthood, they need to feel secure in the attachment bond formed. The basic understanding is can I count on this person to care for me in a way to ensure my survival.
Following Bowlby, another psychologist Mary Ainsworth made additional strides in understanding attachment and its lasting effects on the human psyche. Ainsworth’s study “Strange situation” brought to light the magnitude of how attachment influenced behavior in toddlers ages 12-18 months after being momentarily separated from their mothers. From Ainsworth’s work, three major attachment styles were defined. These are secure attachment, avoidant-insecure attachment, and ambivalent-insecure attachment. Attachment work has since progressed, and Solomon and Main defined a fourth attachment style: disorganized-insecure attachment.
How is attachment formed?
Peggy Emerson and Rudolph Schaffer during their study of infants who they followed through the first year and then checked up on again at 18 months old¸ discovered four stages of attachment. These stages are as follows:
Pre-Attachment
This is from birth to three months old; the infant does not have a strong preference for any caregiver at this point. The infant will signal to their caregiver by crying or fussing. If the caregiver meets the need the infant returns a positive response thus reinforcing the caregiver to continue to meet their needs.
Indiscriminate Attachment
This can start at the age of six weeks and continue until the infant is seven months old. At this stage, the infant will begin to show a preference for who is their primary caregiver and who is their secondary caregiver. This preference will be based on who the infant trust to meet their needs. This doesn’t mean that the infant will not accept care from others, just that they have a preferred source. They are aware of who is in their circle of trust at this point, and they will respond differently/more positively to their preferential caregivers.
Discriminate Attachment
This stage starts about seven months and ends about eleven months. At this point, the infant has formed a strong attachment and preference for their one primary caregiver. They often will show displeasure if they are separated from this person. This is where we will not only see the distress response or separation anxiety when cut off from their primary caregiver. We also see distress or Stanger anxiety when unfamiliar people are in their proximity.
Multiple Attachments
Sometime after the infant turns nine months old, they will begin to form strong attachments with other caregivers as well. This can be the siblings, grandparents, their other parents, and other caregivers.
Attachment can be influenced by a couple of factors.
1) Opportunity for attachment: The infant needs a consistent attachment figure in their life to be able to form an attachment bond.
2) Quality of caregiving: The type of attachment style the child will form depends greatly on how their caregivers respond to their needs. Is it quick and consistent? Are there caregivers dependable and responsible?
What are the attachment styles?
Secure attachment: Securely attached children will show signs of distress when they become separated from their caregiver, however, they will show signs of joy/contentment when they are reunited. These children are secure in their view that their distress is temporary as they believe their caregiver will return to them. If a child with secure attachment becomes distressed, they are likely to turn to their caregivers for comfort. This attachment style is formed from the caregivers constantly meeting the child’s needs.
Ambivalent attachment: Children who have an ambivalent or anxious attachment style will show signs of severe distress when separated from their caregivers. This attachment style forms from the caregivers being unavailable to the child and thus unable to meet the child’s needs.
Disorganized attachment: Children who have disorganized attachment often lack a clear pattern of attachment. Their behavior may appear to be dazed, disoriented, and confusing. Sometimes they resist their caregiver's attempt at connections. Other times they may avoid their caregiver altogether. The reason behind this mixed attachment style is probably caregivers who were inconstant with nurturing the child. Consider a caregiver who is loving one day and a source of fear the next.
Avoidant attachment: Children who have an avoidant attachment style will often avoid their caregiver. They may even show no real preference for their primary caregivers over a stranger. Avoidant attachment often stems from caregivers who are neglectful and/or abusive. For example, if the child learns that when they have a need the caregiver will not meet it or worse the caregiver will be upset with them for having the need, and may even punish them, then this child will learn to avoid needing their caregiver.
And what does all this have to do with my relationships?
What we know about attachment style is that it is a lens through how we view our relationships. More specifically in how we relate to our relationship and those we are in relationships with. Research has shown a connection between the 3 insecure attachment styles and behavior. Some mental health diagnoses such as Conduct disorder (CD), Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) have been correlated with attachment issues.
Research has also shown that those who had a secure attachment style became adults with good self-esteem, the ability to emotionally bond well with others, have better social skills, be open with others, and thus strong romantic partnerships. These adults also are more independent and do better in their field of industry. They also have lower rates of anxiety and depression.
As you can see attachment has a lot to do with our romantic and social relationships. However, having an insecure attachment doesn’t mean you are doomed in the relationship department. It does mean that you need to be aware of how your attachment style is impacting your thoughts about your relationship and those you are in a relationship with.
MaryAnn Newsom
BS, MA, LMFT, ASDCS, CCTP, CTMH, CSTIP
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